We almost made it! The end of 2020 is upon us. How are you and how do you feel about this? In case you worry, please don't. I promise I will NOT write a review about this year. No, thanks. Yes, thanks, however to all of you for still reading my ramblings, buying my jewellery, and supporting this teeny tiny business of mine. THANK YOU, truly. You know who you are and I appreciate every single one of you.
With the most important thing being said, what am I writing about, you may wonder. 2020 has been... many things. Personally, I have learned a lot. About myself, other people, and the world around me. For what it's worth: we're still here. I am still here. If it's for better or for worse, that's up to each and everyone of us, everywhere, at any given moment, pandemic or not. A story to be continued, I suppose. So maybe let's make sure that, to begin with, we are all the heroes and heroines of our own life stories! That may be a good place to start, as I keep telling you...
So, instead of rehashing one hell of a rollercoaster year, I'd rather write about what is on my mind right now. Yes, it's a good time to take stock, for sure, but it's also time to "simply" pull through. Truth to be told, I am absolutely wrecked. Shattered from all the ups and downs, on every level. It's been emotionally draining for many, if not all of us, no doubt. I've been in the weirdest limbo this December - stuck somewhere between my usual "high productivity" mode and actually not being able to do anything much with myself out of sheer exhaustion. It's merely been nervous energy that has kept me going, I suspect.
That's why it is also an especially good time now to do... "nothing". Having said that, for reasons I can't even fully explain, I've found it relatively easy to say "no" this year. "No" to that soul crushing FOMO on "opportunities" as well as to my literally endless "to do"-list. Just no. No apologies made. Just no because no. No means no. Even if it's just me talking to myself. No - because I said so.
So what am I up to and what am I trying to say (apart from "no" a bit more often)? I'll tell you now, it's about inspiration and finding the joy in life/work again. Because it's never "just" business to me, as you know. If I make it all about that, it kills my creativity like nothing else. Which is why I've consciously decided to not think about what's "business smart" this December but, instead, about what I felt like doing... or not.
While none of what I'm up to is "doing nothing" exactly, it's not all work related - hence it counts as doing things "just" for myself. Moreover, I enjoy my work more for doing it more slowly or perhaps I should say more at my own weird and unique pace. I'm reading more philosophy again, listening to more new (to me) music, going sea swimming and walking, drawing, baking, pottering... Overall, I am simply feeling more connected with myself and, in turn, less disconnected from what is at the core of NDS Jewellery: a real person, with needs and feelings that have to be addressed, nurtured, and respected.
That may sound fragile because it is. I've been embracing my vulnerability - not in order to "fix" it or toughen up but to acknowledge and recognise it for what it is, namely an inevitable part of the human condition. More specifically, my own. Without wanting to sound too airy-fairy here, I actually needed to nourish my soul. To mind myself. So that's exactly what I'm up to when I'm not working my ass off. Not doing what I'm supposed to do but only and unapologetically what I want to do... all in my own time, at my own pace.
I'm aware what this may sound like, some of you may be rolling their eyes... Well, roll away, why don't you. I'm doing ok anyway. That's what this season really means to me and always has: time for time. Me time. Fun time. Quiet time. Family time. Creative time. Not soul searching, because my soul has been there all along. It just needs some reconnecting with the rest of me, every now and then. And I feel we're getting there... slowly but surely.
Probably not the 'end of year' post you may have been expecting. Definitely not the kind of closure I used to aim for myself. Most certainly the only truth I can offer right now though: look after yourselves. Seriously, take good care of yourselves. Don't get carried away by what society suggests you should be doing at this time of year. Look after your health, sanity, and happiness in your own way. That's good enough and you don't owe anything else to anyone.
With that in mind, I'm being the heroine of my own life by doing what feels right for me at this time. This may mean "missing out" by some people's standards but, way more importantly, it actually means feeling good and empowered by my own choices. This is what I've always wanted for the wearers of NDS Jewellery to feel: empowered. Able to face whatever the world throws at them! So this season, I'm claiming a little bit of that for myself. Of course, in due time, I will share the creative output resulting from this and maybe things will seem more tangible then...
For now, how about we just try and have as nice a Christmas time as is possible? Perhaps not expecting too much from ourselves nor anyone else? Let's not put too much pressure on and, instead, just really have a "quiet one"? I'd actually very much like that. Everyone is probably a little bit sad and tired... So maybe it's not too bad to have a break. No need to get weirdly festive, unless you are genuinely feeling like it. No need to "elbow bump" anyone under the mistletoe either. Kiss your nearest and dearest, where possible, but otherwise, just hold on tight and show yourself all the love you can.
I'm thinking of you all and wish you the very best of everything. I'll be lighting a few more candles and am sending lots of love and light your way, even on the darkest of days...
With heartfelt thanks for being here,